Special thanks to my research schedule for giving me down
time with nothing to do today.
These official power rankings are calculated based on a standardized
objective quantitative valuation equation as well as my own personal
opinion. The equation takes into account
total points for, total points against, win/loss record, position rank of each
player in starting lineup (accounting for bye week changes), and current
standings. My opinion takes into account
whatever I want. However, since this is
the first installment of official power rankings, I will not alter any of the
formula’s rankings with my own opinion this week.
And so… at this point in the season, power rankings are as
follows:
#12 with a JFCS (Jefferson’s Finest Championship Series)
score of -9.263157895: Black
Angus. No surprise here. Doug Martin and CJ Spiller have really hurt
Spike this year. Too bad you didn’t keep
Peyton (Lucky Matt). You’ve done well on
the waiver wire (Harry Douglas and others), but it seems to be too little too
late. You are almost mathematically
eliminated from playoffs.
#11 with a JFCS score of -7.571915064: Reynosa
el Torro Loco. In his first year back from
his mission, Matty B decided not to keep Peyton Manning and instead to draft
Tom Brady. To improve his QB he had to
trade away Demarco Murray to get Andy Dalton.
Andre Johnson also didn’t pan out, leaving the Mexican Team Owner with
the fewest points scored in the league to date.
Better luck next year bro.
#10 with a JFCS score of -1.001988636: Skittles
Taste Dwayne Bowe. Just 2 years removed
from a championship, Mike struggles to put up points. As noted by columnist Austin Hyde, Mike tends
to play Fitzgerald on down weeks and bench him on big weeks. You do have the best RB in the league and you
rival Taylor for best team name. Your QB
is also 4th best in the league.
But why do you have three TEs on your team? And none of them are Jimmy Graham.
#9 with a JFCS score of 2.462191358: Sandusky’s Tight Ends. Our first JFCS score that’s not a negative
number. Ty, you are pulling wins out of
nowhere. Keep it up. Only Brady has had fewer points scored
against him. You must be intimidating
your opponents or something, because your 536 Points For ranks as 9th
highest, but you are currently ranked 4th in the league overall.
#8 with a JFCS score of 5.494940476: Draft
Champion
At 4-4, Jared still has hope that the draft won’t be the
only thing he won this year. It’s an
uphill battle however, considering Jared has had the most points scored against
him. Julio Jones’ injury and J-rod’s replacement WR starters aren’t helping his
cause. I feel like stuff like this
happens to Jared every year.
#7 with a JFCS score of 7.171744792: Salt Lake
Mountaineers. With a logo made by my
cousin-in-law, the best thing about my performance might be that logo (and it’s
not even as good as Taylor’s). I’ve lost
the past 2 weeks by a combined 5 points and have all but given up hope on
playoffs. After trading away Andy Dalton for Demarco Murray I’m hoping he gives
me the boost I need to win 4 straight and squeak into playoffs.
#6 with a JFCS score of 7.686848958: Houston
Heat. Fewest Points Against. Interesting weeks for Brady: Week 2 loss by 1
point to Matt, who is leading his division.
Won week 3 while scoring only 44 points.
Scored just 55 against Taylor and only lost by 2. You have the best defense in the league,
Brady (fewest points against). Even
though you’re only 6th in the JFCS, you’re currently third place in
the league, thanks largely in part to Dez Bryant.
#5 with a JFCS score of 9.427573529: Auty 2
Hottie. Austin, you have been outscored by your opponents by 66 points, but
you’re still 4-4. That’s impressive. Good thing you got Cam Newton, instead of
relying on Mike “Mr. Glass” Vick. Your
playoff hopes are still alive, especially if you can get a WR for one or two of
your RBs.
#4 with a JFCS score of 10.21180556: Little
Chicago Criminals. Chiefs D. Undrafted.
Jimmy Graham is behind only Dez Bryant and Megatron in total scoring for
the WR/TE category. You took him in
round 4. Great keepers in Drew Brees and
Frank Gore. Welker’s been awesome
too. Your team is real good. In fact, according to total points scored,
your team is the best in the league. But
I think we all hope you don’t repeat as champion.
#3 with a JFCS score of 10.22853535: NSL
Knights. Peyton Manning is leading all scorers with 215 points. Next highest is 163. How have you lost at all? And how was one of your losses to Nick?
#2 with a JFCS score of 15.46153846: The Ansah. Why is The Ansah number 2 in the power
rankings? Maybe my formula is
flawed. Maybe it’s cuz Jared Hatch
changed his team name. Or maybe you,
Nick, really are just most improved. In
any case, you’ve come a long way since drafting three defenses in our inaugural
season. That was back when I was league
manager. Man am I gald it’s Austin now.
#1 with a JFCS score of 42.98425926: Attack of
the Marshawns. Somehow Taylors JFCS
score is nearly 3 times better than the number 2 team. His starting lineup includes the third best
QB, the second and third best RBs, the number 1 and number 7 WRs, the third
best D/ST, and a kicker (he is 6th best at his position but who
cares about kickers). In summary, Tay
Tay Money’s team is scary good. This is
your season to lose, Tay. Pressure’s on.
So that’s
it. Power rankings have been
released. Feel free to debate them.
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